TV Show Without Blacks Is Crossing The Line

Well, they’ve done it: they finally came to get Midsomer Murders.

I admit to watching this incredibly popular ITV fixture, purely for laughs. Midsomer Murders is a drama set in a fictional lilliputian English village called Causton, and plays beautifully to the English obsession with murder most foul. Every episode a citizen of Causton is a victim of a poisoned pen, gets clubbed, or even becomes the target of a flamethrower – much to the chagrin of our leading man Detective Chief Inspector John Barnaby. However, as there have been 222 murders in the show’s history, the entire village should really have been killed off at long ago. Yet who cares? It was never meant to be a cerebral experience. This is a program where the viewer leaves his brain at the door, and in doing so will come out much happier.

Now, the creator of the show Brian Truce-May has been suspended for claiming that a reason for the show’s success is its unashamed English-ness. Which of course entails having an all-white cast. Oh, dear.

Thankfully Midsomer Murders is a product of ITV and not the public broadcaster, or the show would have featured plots geared to empower single mothers and better understanding Muslim culture long ago. But ITV have taken no chances with the PC brigade and condemned May in the strongest terms as well as considering ending his career. This is despite the fact that approximately 1.4% of the population of the English countryside are from minority ethnic backgrounds. The demographics of the cast is one of the few believable aspects of May’s program.

The Daily Mail article linked above cites a study which claims Midsomer Murders is strikingly unpopular amongst minorities. Its a wonder how Midsomer Murders lasted so long. For you see, we can no longer delight in gawking at murders in the great tradition of Miss Marple and Poirot. Where is the outrage at our anti-terror laws that drive young Muslims to resent us?! Where are the single mothers?! Surely this is verboten, despite the consistently high ratings telling us that this is what English viewers actually want?!

Midsomer Murders may soon leave us, but I have suggestions for a new ‘reformed’ Midsomer Murders that is sensitive to the needs of a modern, multicultural Britain. My Pilot Episode opens with a horrific bombing outside Causton’s most popular tea house, which bears all the hallmarks of Al Qaeda. Suspicion falls on the village’s sole Muslim resident, Mahmoud Sirhan Sirhan Assad, who is promptly taken into custody amongst the hateful jeers of the townspeople, who have lost their gay-bashing vicar in the atrocity. Detective Chief Inspector Bob Fisk, vacationing in Causton, thinks the incident stinks to high heavens. Inspector Fisk decides to delve deeper, and after discovering a number of discarded boxes from kosher meal orders in a village that has no Jews, quickly uncovers a plot by nefarious Jewish Zionists to frighten Britain into adopting harsh measures against its Muslim citizens. The program thus prompts the viewer to ask: just who are the real terrorists in all this? Mr. Assad is freed and assumes a position advising the government on security affairs despite his membership of the Muslim Brotherhood.

UPDATE: Channel 4 has offered me a significant advance for a first series. Hello, Hampstead!

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About Cranky Notions
Reactionary. That fella from the Norris scandal.

One Response to TV Show Without Blacks Is Crossing The Line

  1. Pingback: African Americans Watch the Most TV (Study) | Celeb Drama Revealed

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